Thursday, August 27, 2020

Bonding All Morning And Afternoon

Note…. I wrote this journal entry on August 15th, 2020.

Today marks two months since Rose was euthanized. TWO MONTHS. Now that I have lost a dog, and sent her to The Rainbow Bridge, {or Doggy Heaven}, twice throughout my Life, {both were euthanized on June 15th, but there was ten years time between Shadow’s death, and Rose’s passing}, I am remembering the complicated feelings, emotions, thoughts that August brings. It is all coming back. I am remembering the complicated feelings, emotions, thoughts that two months brings. I miss Rose so bad it hurts. I wish that I could bake her dog cookies. I would give anything to stroke Rose’s velvet-soft fur again. I wish I could purchase her dog treats at PetsMart or Target. I imagine that Ree Drummond, {The Pioneer Woman}, has even more dog treats available at Wal-Mart that Rose loved so much. She tried them all before her kidney disease diagnosis on January 8th, {yes, 2020 has been a LONG year}, and she could no longer ingest lots of protein/sodium. Today, {two months into this grief journey}, I miss the sound of Rose’s ‘Beagle’ bark, and her excitable hound dog bay. Yes, I am remembering the complicated feelings, emotions, thoughts that August brings. It is all coming back. Yes, I am remembering the complicated feelings, emotions, thoughts that two months brings. On one paw, {pun intended}, I miss Rose so bad it hurts. But on the other paw, {pun intended}, I also miss having a dog. Peace and Love, Mary Lou

Edited by Kara Kent!!

--Part Two--

On my necklace, ‘REMEMBER’ is engraved;

Through grief’s journeys, it’s helped me to be brave;

My Rose, I will remember June fifteenth;

It’s a special date, you know what I mean?

I will remember my last day with you;

I snapped final pictures, more than a few;

I will remember bonding all morning;

And afternoon as you were sleeping;

I will remember sitting on my bed;

I touched your hind paws, soon you’d be dead.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

June Fifteenth

Positive…. One good thing about the coronavirus global pandemic, {and, as resulted, Sheltering In Place}, is that I have not had to walk past the pet isles at Target on my way toward purchasing chocolate. If memory serves me right, {and I have not shopped at Target since, like, February}, their pet isles, and chocolate isles are basically nearby each other. An unexpected wave of grief has not washed over my broken heart, my bleeding soul, because I cannot purchase Rose dog treats anymore. I have imagined how it would play out…. I’d walk past the dog treats isles at Target where I’ve been literally countless times before. My heart would break, my soul would bleed. In an effort to temporarily escape grief, I’d do a beeline toward the CD isles at Target, where I’d purchase Bob Dylan’s newest album, Rough and Rowdy Ways. Why? Because retail therapy feels so good, that is why. Am I right? Then, in an effort to truly feel my broken heart, my bleeding soul, my grief, {because doing so is good for healing}, I would wander toward the pet isles in Target again. I’d stare at those boxes of ‘Animal Cookie’ crunchy dog biscuits that I used to purchase Rose. I would see Target brand’s rawhide bones which she uncharacteristically snubbed. I’d notice dog treats that I’ve never purchased Rose before, as a heart-stabbing sign that Life is moving forward without her. But thanks to the Stinkin’ Virus, {as my youngest brother, Michael, likes to call it}, I have not shopped at Target since February, {thanks, also, to Sheltering In Place}, so I have not felt the need to impulsively purchase an Our Generation doll at Target, either, simply because retail therapy feels so good. I am sure that Target misses me, {and my money}, kind of like how I miss Rose. Am I right? Peace and Love, Mary Lou

Edited by Kara Kent!!

--Part One--

On my necklace, ‘REMEMBER’ is engraved;

Through grief’s journeys, it’s helped me to be brave;

My Rose, I will remember June fifteenth;

It’s a special date, you know what I mean?

I remember June fifteenth, 2010;

Because Shadow was euthanized back then;

I will remember one decade later;

Yes, on June fifteenth, your death occurred;

I will remember dreading this sad date;

And yet loss, I could not procrastinate;

I will remember planning this sad day;

‘Cause you had to die in June, anyway;

I will remember how this date felt ‘right’;

As you and Shadow met in the sunlight….


Wednesday, August 12, 2020

You Were A Good Girl

 An e-mail from PetsMart. Who knew that it could ‘ambush’ me? Three weeks ago, I received an e-mail from PetsMart about my monthly treats statement for July. They obviously do not know that Rose is dead. A few months ago, this would have meant absolutely nothing to me. I’d simply delete my e-mail, and carry on. But this time, I felt the unexpected pains of grief. See, I purchased Rose literally countless natural and/or organic dog treats from PetsMart throughout her Life. It hit me hard emotionally that I cannot buy Baby Girl crunchy biscuits there anymore. I miss purchasing Rose dog treats. I felt a sudden urge to drive straight to PetsMart, {even though I have not been there since before the coronavirus}, and explain to somebody that Rose died, so can they stop sending me monthly treats statements…. Seeing those e-mails hurts so bad. But I didn’t. Right now, Rose has every single treat that her little heart desires at The Rainbow Bridge—especially chocolate—because it can no longer kill her…. Peace and Love, Mary Lou

Edited by Kara Kent!!

Did I softly say: ‘You were a good girl….’?

There was no need…. You knew you were my world;

I said so when we rested daily on my bed;

Multiple times before you were claimed dead;

Did I softly say: ‘….one of the best dogs ever….’?

You knew that, and I do not think I did, never;

I said so when we were in our bedroom;

Where pretty roses outside the window bloom;

Did I softly say: ‘Rosalita, I love you….’?

There was absolutely no need…. ‘Cause this, you knew;

Did I softly say: ‘You were a good girl….’?

Thursday, August 6, 2020

It’s Been An Honor And A Privilege

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows. -- Helen Keller

Search for the positives. That is how I try to be in Life. During this coronavirus global pandemic, I have read several true stories about survivors. Search for the positives. Ever since Rose was euthanized on June 15th, {which was nearly two very long months ago}, I have been on the lookout for signs from Rose. Also known as God Winks. Rose has given me literally countless signs, {or God Winks}, since she died. Do I need any signs, {or God winks}, from Rose saying that she is alright? No. Rose is running free at The Rainbow Bridge, of course she’s alright!! I believe in life after death, so Baby Girl is alive!! As is Shadow before her!! Do I need any signs, {or God winks}, from Rose proving that she is still here, with me, living in my heart? Yes. Two days ago, I was searching Online for something that said: ‘If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever’. And then, I found it…. A mug that has this sentiment in PURPLE lettering, which just so happened to be Rose’s color. That was my sign, {or my God Wink}, from Rose!! Why? Because, if my love could have saved Rose from her degenerative myelopathy, she would have lived forever, that is why. Or so it feels. But I believe that God knows exactly how long His animals will walk on this Earth. Peace and Love, Mary Lou

Edited by Kara Kent!!

--Part Four--

I softly said: ‘It’s been an honor and a privilege….’

This was after you had travelled to The Rainbow Bridge;

I traced my fingers down a dent between your eyes;

Once big, they were mostly closed, death was realized;

I softly said: ‘It’s been an honor and a privilege….’

To your spiritual soul this was my message;

I touched those floppy velvet-soft ears that I loved;

On your body which was my favorite part of;

I softly said: ‘It’s been an honor and a privilege to care for you….’