Blogging Friends.... Question. What happens when you're an artist
and for the past five months or so someone who you love dearly has been diagnosed
with cancer three times? Another question. What happens when--as resulted--your
thoughts/feelings/emotions strum you like an electric guitar and crank up the
amplifier real loud? Answer to both questions? When you're me, you create
"music" and write a "song" out of the circumstances!! I
love being an artist!! Whenever I feel emotionally/mentally weak? I write it
out. Whenever I feel way too much about this issue or that situation? I write
it out!! As resulted? I feel a little stronger. As resulted? I feel like I have
some control--if not just a little--over my Life. Because when it seems like I
am drowning? I write it out. And then I feel like I have a lifeline to grab
onto!! You know what? This is actually my second attempt at creating
"music" and writing a "song" from this loved one's cancer
journey. But.... I never "released"
it here!! {Remember February's "far too personal" story?} Certain
facts set aside? This story is one hundred percent fictional. Love you later.
"Like A Marine"
10-8-15
Cancer is not only hell. It often spreads like a wildfire
through one's body. I expressed several months ago that someone who I love
dearly has been diagnosed with "three" different cancers. Correction.
It has only been two different cancers, one of which--unfortunately--spread. Whoops.
Cancer is confusing....
"Like A Marine"
Cancer sucks. So they say. But to thirty-one year old Nathalie? It more than sucks. For this incurable
disease--no matter where the cancer's growing within your body--is hell.
There's the radiation treatment. Seemingly endless hours-long, tedious doctor's
appointments. There is chemotherapy. Dreaded nausea. There is weight loss. Fatigue.
There is unflattering hair loss. The chances of relapse. And last but never
least? There's the inevitable possibility of death. Because no matter how you
slice it {Based on Nathalie's deeply personal
experience} this incurable disease is hell. For like an explosive ambush, it always
comes unexpectedly. Cancer. And in order to win this war--like a Marine--you
have to fight some very, very, very intense battles.
Six months ago? Nathalie was diagnosed by a dermatologist
named Dr. Pratt with an unusual and rare form of skin cancer called Merkel cell carcinoma on her forehead. Which, he successfully removed!!
That battle was an easy fight. Far too easy, it turned out!! Because just twain
short months later? Nathalie was diagnosed by her primary
care physician, Dr. Garrett, with stage three esophagus cancer. Unlike the battle
before, this would be anything but an easy fight. Because she could not swallow
solid foods or liquids, and where her cancer was located, Dr. Garrett had a feeding tube surgically
placed into Nathalie's abdomen. There were several weeks of radiation
treatment. Plus two hour-long chemotherapy appointments. But Nathalie fought and battled hard!!
For eventually, she was declared esophagus cancer-free!! But, unfortunately, this
incurable disease did not stop there. Because just when Nathalie was anxiously
anticipating an upcoming operation which will potentially add at least ten more
years, {Although nobody but God truly knows that for certain!!} Dr. Garrett made yet another
devastating diagnosis. Nathalie has bone cancer. And
Dr. Garrett gave her only eighteen months left to live. Therefore, the upcoming
operation was cancelled.
Wait. What?! Nathalie immediately thought, I
have.... Bone cancer?! And only.... Eighteen months....? To live?!
Nathalie has battled self-pity before throughout her journey with
this incurable disease. But bone cancer? Her third diagnosis of "the Big
C" within six months' time?! It threw Nathalie emotionally.
"Damn you, cancer...."
she thought aloud after returning home, wet hot tears streaming down her cheeks, "Damn you.... Damn you.... Damn you....
Damn you.... Damn you!! First it was skin cancer.... But you lost that battle!!
Then it was esophagus cancer.... But I won that hard-earned battle!! And now I
have bone cancer?! Really?! Will you not give an innocent woman a break....?!
Oh, wait.... You will not give an innocent woman a break.... Why? Because you
are evil.... I forgot for a minute what it is I'm dealing with here.... Cancer....
You feel like a jerk ex-boyfriend who I have tried so hard to break up with....
But.... You keep coming back....!! Now.... We have all asked you to leave. Doctors.
My loved ones. Me. Cancer.... You are trying our patience.... You're not
welcome here!! Cancer.... My body ain't big enough for the two of us!! Oh, why
me....?"
Defeated by complex negative emotions, Nathalie collapsed onto her
bed. She then sobbed uncontrollably. That is how Nathalie's roommate, best
friend and "sister", Mary, found her after returning home from work
as a therapist.
"What is wrong?" she asked in a soft, soothing,
comforting, maternal voice.
Nathalie--face down on her bed--did not even look up at Mary. Wet
hot tears stained the pillow.
"Nath...." Mary gently pressed, "What happened?"
"I.... Have.... Bone cancer," Nathalie said at last, tears
streaming down her face, "And only.... Eighteen months.... Left to
live.... Oh, Mary.... I feel so defeated right now.... Bruised and battered as
though I have been repeatedly beaten up...."
"Oh, Nath...." consoled Mary, "I am so sorry."
Mary then embraced Nathalie in a warm hug. Momentarily, there were
no words between the two. Mary simply let Nathalie's tears soak through her
shirt. Finally, she spoke up.
"Nath...." Mary said, "I know you feel defeated right
now. I probably would too, if I were in your situation!! That is a completely
natural and normal feeling. But in order to be truly resilient, you have to fall
first. That is what I believe, anyway!! Nath.... You are like a soldier in the
Marine Corps!! Without even having endured any boot camp or training!! Nath....
You are a fighter!! And with some beautiful, impressive battle scars as living
proof!! Because, Nath.... You are a survivor.... In every single sense of the
word!! You will fight--and win!!--this war!! How can I be so certain? Because
you are Nathalie!! You'll kick cancer's butt--right where it hurts--once and
for all!! You are going to get through this!!"
Then Mary's little, inspirational, motivational speech was finished.
Just like that.
"Thanks, Mary.... You're such a good best friend and 'sister'!!"
said Nathalie, "What would I ever do without you?!"
Mary smiled confidently.
"You couldn't," she said, "Now. Will battling bone
cancer be a joyride? Absolutely not. Because--like war--cancer is hell!!"
"I must have done something real horrible--or criminal, even--in
a previous Life to have deserved all of these cancers," Nathalie continued,
"But what....? I just do not understand...."
"You have done something horrible or criminal in a previous
Life to deserve all of these cancers?!" said Mary sounding shocked, "You?! Well, I respectfully disagree!!
You're an incredibly faithful friend and 'sister' to me!! I am being there for
you right now, lending support. But Nath.... You would do the exact same thing
for me if I needed it!! You're a successful, bestselling author of {Not one!!}
but twenty popular, well-written fictional books!! You are a generous,
charitable, philanthropist who contributes her own hard-earned money toward several
good causes!! Nath.... You are a hands-on Auntie to your nieces and nephews!! Horrible?! Criminal?! No. You are a good person
who has lead an incredibly wonderful Life!! So
far."
Nathalie sat down on her bed. She was speechless. Her tears had
dried up. Nathalie was listening intently to Mary's every single word.
"Cancer is complicated," continued Mary, "Not to
mention? Cancer is evil. This disease picks and chooses at will whose body it
wants to attack, like an explosive ambush. Young, old or in between? It makes
absolute zero difference to cancer. You know what? I have somehow always
had a huge heart for cancer patients. Because they are brave. They're
courageous. They are such an inspiration to me!! Survivors? I have somehow
always wholeheartedly admired them!! Because they are brave, as well. They're
courageous. They are such an inspiration to me, as well!! Nath.... Defeat this
bone cancer, and you will be my heroine!! Three times over!!"
Suddenly, Nathalie felt emotionally touched by her roommate, best
friend and "sister".
"Wow...." was all she could say, "Thank-you...."
Mary left Nathalie alone with her thoughts for a few minutes.
Because it was dinnertime. So Mary walked toward the kitchen, and heated up
some chicken-flavored Top Ramen soup. Which Nathalie slowly ate orally!! Later,
Mary made some rich and creamy chocolate milkshakes for dessert.
"Here you go, Nath," said Mary, smiling, "Because
some days just call for chocolate!!"
"I agree!!" said Nathalie.
She smiled back and slowly ate her chocolate milkshake orally.
That night {While lying wide-awake in bed} Mary contemplated her
best friend and "sister's" bone cancer diagnosis.
Nathalie has defeated cancer
twice already, she thought, And now she only has eighteen months left to live. Oh....
What if cancer wins the war this time around and Nathalie.... Dies....? Death is a natural part of living.... Whether you are
thirty-one years old or eighty.... And even death itself cannot destroy a loved
one's memory.... Or the legacy that she leaves behind.... This I understand.... And
I know that we cannot avoid the inevitable.... But, oh.... I want to avoid the
inevitable so badly right now!! Because.... I am not ready to lose my best
friend and 'sister'!! I cannot do it.... She still has so much more on this
Earth to live for.... Nathalie is only thirty-one years old!!
Suddenly wet hot tears filled Mary's eyes and she lie there {Alone in
the dark} silently weeping.
One day while sitting in the waiting room alongside Mary before an
appointment with her oncologist, Dr. Hiddleston, Nathalie met a
young boy--named Dylan--and his mother, Bristol. To evade any
unwanted germs? Dylan's face was covered the entire time with a
baby blue-colored surgical mask. Because of his cancer treatment? Dylan's head
was completely bald. Feeling an enormous wave of Kindred Spirit connection rush
over her for this precious cancer patient, Nathalie boldly started a
conversation with Dylan and Bristol.
"Hi there!!" she said, "My name is Nathalie."
She looked directly into Dylan's beautiful chocolate diamond eyes.
"How are you?" Nathalie politely asked, "What is your
name?"
"Dylan," he answered, "And this is my Mom, Bristol. I
am okay."
His voice sounded muffled beneath the surgical mask.
"Dylan has seen better days...." Bristol said in a weak,
emotionally-wrought voice.
"I am fighting leukemia," Dylan bravely announced,
"But everything is going to be alright."
Both Nathalie and Mary appreciated Dylan's optimism. His childlike
faith in the future was nothing short of awe-inspiring!!
"I am currently battling bone cancer," said Nathalie,
"This is my third encounter with 'the Big C' in six months. How old are
you, Dylan?"
"Five," he answered.
"You have been diagnosed with cancer three times in six
months?!" said Bristol, "I could not imagine...."
"Yes, I have," replied Nathalie, "But at least I am
not five years old...."
Suddenly, Dylan's name was called. He and Bristol waved goodbye to
Nathalie before disappearing down the long halls.
"Take care," said Dylan.
Both Nathalie and Mary smiled at his "old soul" politeness.
"Be good to yourself, kid," she said.
On the drive home--as soon as Nathalie's doctor's appointment was
over--an emotional tidal wave of empathy and compassion toward little Dylan
rushed over her.
"Oh, Mary...." she said, "Dylan is only five years
old.... Yet I know that he and Bristol have so many Life and death thoughts to
worry about.... It's just not right.... The only thing that Dylan should be
concerned about is making friends, scraping his knees outside and starting
Kindergarten this September...."
Wet hot tears streamed down Nathalie's face.
"And then I think about poor Bristol...." she continued,
"As an Auntie, I couldn't imagine the continuous roller coaster ride of
thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are coming from a loving Mother who wants
nothing more than to watch her son grow up...."
"I know...." said Mary, "Dylan's--and Bristol's--circumstances
kind of puts yours into perspective, don't they?"
"Yes...." said Nathalie, "It does.... I hope we see
Dylan and Bristol again...."
And see them again they did!! Appointment after appointment after appointment!! As
resulted, Nathalie formed a close, intimate friendship with Dylan and Bristol!!
Together, they exchanged e-mail addresses. Cell phone numbers. Even home
addresses. Meanwhile, Nathalie lent her support to Dylan and Bristol!! In more
ways than one!! She anonymously helped Bristol pay for sky-high medical bills. Nathalie cheered Dylan on during hard battles
won. She visited him in a hospital when his leukemia took a turn for the worst.
And Bristol lent her support to Nathalie, as well!! In more ways than one!! She
sent Nathalie several hand-written cards of encouragement. Bristol cheered her
on during hard battles won. And Dylan sent Nathalie hand-drawn pictures. For
the relationship between those twain cancer patients was undeniable!!
This incurable disease is hell. For like an explosive
ambush, it always comes unexpectedly. Cancer. And in order to win this
war--like a Marine--you have to fight some very, very, very intense battles.
But, tragically, there are casualties. And, unfortunately, they happen far too
often. On September 23rd, Dylan lost the war against leukemia. Nathalie and Mary were each sent personal invitations to attend
his memorial service. Which--with broken hearts--they did.
"Life is a book that The Author {God} has written. And He,
Himself, holds its ending in His Hands," began Pastor Ardon during Dylan's
memorial service, "Friends.... In all the forty years that I have served
God as a minister, I've spoken at countless memorial services. And funerals.
And wakes. In all the forty years that I have served God as a minister, I've helped
Him usher elderly people toward Heaven. Those who have lead an amazingly good,
long, happy, successful Life. In all the forty years that I have served God as
a minister, I've helped Him usher middle-aged people toward Heaven. Those whose
Lives were seemingly cut too short. Either way, it is always a combination of
grief and celebration!! Certainly, we miss our dearly departed loved ones here on
Earth. Terribly. We grieve their deaths. Yet our dearly departed loved ones are
rejoicing at Jesus' feet in Heaven!! So it is bittersweet. But in all these
forty years that I have served God as a minister, what makes me feel the
saddest? Helping Him usher His youngest children toward Heaven. Like five-year
old Dylan. And when I help usher God's youngest children toward Heaven, I'm
keenly reminded that Life is a book that The Author {God} has written. And He,
Himself, holds its ending in His Hands. Dearly beloved.... Even though we may
feel as though Dylan's Life is like a novel with the end ripped out, this was
already {Beyond our own comprehension} part of God's sovereign plan."
There was not a dry eye in the sanctuary. For Pastor Ardon's words
were emotionally-stirring. Nathalie and Mary sat in wooden church pews as
unstoppable, wet, hot tears freely flowed down both their cheeks. Once Pastor Ardon
finished, it was time for the eulogy. Which Dylan's Dad, Rollin, bravely
delivered. He blinked back tears the entire time.
Do not cry.... Do not cry.... Do not cry.... Do not cry.... Do not
cry.... Rollin mentally chanted to himself.
"Thank-you, Pastor Ardon...." he slowly began,
"Dylan.... Was a special boy the very moment I watched his tiny, slimy,
blood-covered body emerge from Bristol's.... Even though we did not know it
yet.... He was a fighter.... As brave as any Marine.... He was courageous.... For
Dylan battled leukemia long and hard.... Although
he was a special boy.... For leukemia gave Dylan unique needs.... He
was also just like any other five-year old.... Dylan had loves, phases, dreams,
hopes, and desires just like everybody else.... He was obsessed with Disney/Pixar's
animated film, Cars.... Dylan watched
that movie so many times.... Bristol and I have every single scene, every
single line, every single character, every single song memorized completely by
heart.... Dylan.... Was a special boy the very moment I watched his tiny, slimy, blood-covered body emerge
from Bristol's.... Even though we did not know it yet.... Because he was far
more than my son.... Dylan is {And forevermore will be} my own personal
hero.... Our guardian angel.... Goodbye, son...."
Finally, any wet hot tears that Rollin had been holding back burst
forth like an ebony rain cloud.
To close Dylan's emotionally-moving memorial service, the
country/pop band, Rascal Flatts, suddenly emerged from backstage and performed these twain songs. Stand. And Life is a Highway.
"These songs are for Dylan!!" bandleader Gary LeVox called out.
And then--just like that--Rascal Flatts performed!! This felt so unreal
to Nathalie, as though she were suddenly
transported into a daydream!!
"How did they get Rascal Flatts--a huge, famous, very, very, very busy band--to perform at Dylan's
memorial service?!" she mouthed toward Mary.
"I have no idea!!" whispered Mary.
There was not a dry eye in the sanctuary when Rascal Flatts sang
this verse. For everybody could feel its powerful words.
Life's like
a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on
'Cause when
push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees, you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, yeah, then you stand ....
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees, you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, yeah, then you stand ....
That night after Dylan's memorial service, Nathalie walked into her
home office {She was emotional. And hungry. She was feeling inspired.} and
begin writing a biography about Dylan's short-lived--yet huge--Life. This was Nathalie's very first
attempt at not authoring anything fictional. She had asked Rollin's and
Bristol's permission to get their son's resilience captured in a published
book. They said yes!! Like a reporter, Nathalie interviewed Rollin and Bristol.
She spoke with close friends. Like a reporter, Nathalie interviewed extended
family members. She feverishly scribbled notes about Dylan's remarkable little
Life. And once Nathalie published it? Dylan's Life Story swiftly became a
New York Times bestseller!! And,
because she possesses an incredible generous charitable nature? Nathalie had the
proceeds from Dylan's Life Story go toward cancer research. Every single penny.
It's not the time in your life, it's the life in your time. --Bruce Springsteen
What a beautiful story Raelyn, I was so moved by it. I lost my mother to cancer and my husband has it now so I know what a devastating disease this can be and how it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically.
ReplyDeleteI think Dylan and Nathalie's stories show that in spite of everything you can still enjoy life and make it meaningful.
Hugs, Lynne x
Lynne....
DeleteThank-you for the comment, Friend!!
"What a beautiful story Raelyn, I was so moved by it." Awww.... I am glad that you enjoyed my story!! ;-D
"I lost my mother to cancer and my husband has it now so I know what a devastating disease this can be and how it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically." I am so sorry about your Mother.... This fictional story set aside? I have not really been able to "go there" and admit that my loved one is dying.... {I just swallowed hard at the thought} Now your husband has cancer?! My thoughts and prayers go out to him.... And you. Hugs, Friend!! ;)
"I think Dylan and Nathalie's stories show that in spite of everything you can still enjoy life and make it meaningful." Exactly!! You caught my story's message!! ;-D