Dedicated in loving memory to River, country singer Granger Smith’s
three year old son, who tragically died via an accidental drowning on Thursday,
June 6th, 2019. He passed away while I was writing this fictional
story. #livelikeriv
P.S. Yes, yes, I disappeared for three months. This is my comeback story!! Peace out, Mary Lou
P.S. Yes, yes, I disappeared for three months. This is my comeback story!! Peace out, Mary Lou
“It Takes Seconds”
Edited by Kara Kent!!
Stereotypes. It can obviously be harmful,
bad, and wrong to automatically assume that particular people always behave in
this specific fashion, or that specific fashion. For example, not all female
children are girly. Many tomboys would rather play sports than play with baby
dolls. My beautiful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, two-year old little girl, Aquata Angel is stereotypically all girl!! She absolutely loves
playing with, nurturing, and cuddling her baby dolls!! Aquata Angel is even ‘a
little Mama’ with stuffed animals such as teddy bears!! She absolutely loves
wearing frilly Walt Disney princess dresses!! Literally one second, Aquata Angel
will be Cinderella, the next second she’ll be Elsa, and the next second, she will
be Belle!! Aquata Angel absolutely loves her pink-colored Ariel dress from The Little Mermaid!! My daughter and I
enjoy watching Walt Disney animated princess films together!! Such as Snow White, Tangled, and even Aladdin!!
Aquata Angel’s very favorite Walt Disney animated princess film is The Little Mermaid!!
We watch that movie over, and over, and
over, and over, and over!!
‘A water baby’. That’s precisely how I would describe Aquata Angel!! Whenever she is playfully splashing around in any form
of swimming pool on a hot Summer day? Aquata Angel fearlessly loves its cool,
refreshing waters!! Whenever our little family of three goes camping at
Dragonfly Lake? Aquata Angel fearlessly loves its sometimes freezing cold,
sometimes warm waters!! Whenever I—or my husband, Drew—are giving her a bath? Aquata
Angel fearlessly loves its warm, bubbly water!! Whenever Drew and I are
skipping rocks in Red Ranger River? Aquata Angel fearlessly loves its crystal
clear rushing waters!! Whenever I am hiking along the trails of Mt. Butte,
{which is actually an extinct volcanic cinder
cone}, while pushing my little girl in her stroller? Aquata Angel
fearlessly loves its trails’ canals that have flowing water running through
them!! Even when our little family of three walks barefoot along the beach’s
foamy, always freezing cold ocean? Aquata Angel fearlessly loves its salty,
swift-moving tidal waves!!
She is my little mermaid!!
The 4th of July. That has
always been my very favorite holiday!! I proudly fly the American flag at our
little house. From a ‘star spangled bandanna’, {or an American flag baseball
cap}, to patriotic socks, every single year, I wear red, white, and
blue-inspired clothing. I always fry up some spicy firecracker chicken.
Sometimes, I bake a simple, fluffy, vanilla cake with vanilla frosting, blue
M&M’s as its ‘stars’, red M&M’s as its ‘stripes’, and white M&M’s
as its ‘stripes’. I often purchase legal, store-bought, ‘safe’ fireworks to
shoot off later that night. As an annual tradition, our little family of three
always drives toward my brother, McDonald’s, plus his wife, {my sister-in-law},
Wendy’s house for our Independence Day celebrations!! Together, they have three
children named Oaklee, Reese, and Ledger. My other brother, Jack, plus his
wife, {my other sister-in-law}, Carla, join our party!! Together, they have six
children named Cannon, Cruz, Levi, London, Jason, and Johanna. Of course, our
parents, {Tom and Mary}, always join our celebration!!
McDonald and Wendy have an outdoor, unfenced, concrete
swimming pool in their backyard….
“Alright!!” Jack happily
exclaimed, as Drew, Aquata Angel, and I arrived on that
Wednesday, July 4th, “You brought your firecracker chicken, Nicole Amber Morgan!!”
“Yes!!” McDonald happily
exclaimed, “I absolutely love your firecracker chicken!!”
“Oh, I know!!” said Drew,
“My mouth is watering, just thinking
about eating your firecracker chicken, darling!!”
“Nicole Amber Morgan….”
said Wendy, with a smile written on her face, as she boiled yellow-colored corn
on the cob, “You most certainly cannot
ever come to my house for our Independence
Day celebrations without bringing
your firecracker chicken!! It is tradition!!”
“Of course I brought my firecracker chicken!!” I said with a smile written on my face “It is Independence Day, after all!!”
“Shoot fireworks?” said Aquata Angel, “Please?”
Unlike many two-year old children, my little girl is not at all
frightened of firework’s loud booms, screams, and pops.
“Not
until it gets darker outside, Aquata
Angel,” I said, as I kissed my little girl on the cheek.
“Besides, we’ll be eating lunch soon!!” Drew chimed in.
“Dad, can we go swimming in
our pool?” Oaklee asked McDonald.
“Yeah, it is like one-hundred degrees outside!!” said
Reese.
“The cold water will cool us off, for sure!!” said Ledger.
“Please?” said Oaklee,
Reese, Ledger, Cannon, Cruz, Levi, London, Jason, and
Johanna together.
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, with excitement in her little voice, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
Aquata Angel was already removing her two-piece,
belly button-showing The Little Mermaid outfit.
“Lunch
is ready!!” announced Carla.
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
My little girl was now wearing nothing
but her diaper, ready to play in McDonald’s and Wendy’s swimming pool.
“Oh, you are such a water baby!!” I
said, “You’re my little mermaid!!”
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
“We need
to eat, Aquata Angel!!” I said, as I
kissed my little girl on her blonde hair-covered head.
“Dad?”
asked Oaklee, “Can we go swimming in our
pool?”
“Pretty please with a cherry on top?”
said Reese.
“Pool….
Pool… Pool…. Pool…. Pool….” chanted Ledger.
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
“Drew?” I said, “Please don’t forget to keep an eye out
for Aquata Angel when the children do
play in that swimming pool, because
she obviously cannot swim, yet. I’ll watch her closely, as well…. But I
obviously cannot be everywhere at once!!”
“Absolutely,”
said Drew.
“We also
own Puddle Jumpers,” said McDonald, “Aquata
Angel can wear one that properly fits her size!! Yes, you
children may go swimming in the pool after you’re finished eating lunch!!”
“Well….” said Wendy, “You children can
swim in the pool about thirty minutes
after you’re finished eating lunch!!”
“Awwww….”
Oaklee,
Reese, Ledger, Cannon, Cruz, Levi, London, Jason, and
Johanna groaned in unison.
“Oh, come
on, Wendy!!” said Jack, “Isn’t
the ‘do not swim until thirty minutes
after you have eaten’ kind of an old wives’
tale?”
“Yes….”
said McDonald, “The ‘do not swim until
thirty minutes after you have eaten’ is fiction,
not fact.”
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
“Aquata Angel certainly knows what she
wants!!” said my Mom, with a smile written on her face.
“I play in water?” asked Aquata Angel, “Pool? I play in water? Please?”
Meanwhile, I prepared my little girl’s
firecracker chicken, and her corn off of the cob.
“Aquata
Angel?” I said mere seconds later, “Your lunch is ready!! Come here, and eat it!!”
But there was no answer.
“Aquata
Angel?” I said, “Don’t you want
to eat some of Mama’s firecracker chicken? Baby Girl?”
I completely expected my little girl to
protest with a defiant ‘no’, but she didn’t.
“Aquata
Angel?” I said.
Then, {before I said anything else}, Aquata
Angel’s repetitive last words suddenly resurfaced within my mind.
I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please?
“Oh,
dear God, no….” I said aloud, as I instinctively looked toward McDonald’s and
Wendy’s opened back door.
“Do you think that she escaped
outside?” asked Drew, with sincere concern in his voice.
“Aquata Angel wanted to play in the swimming
pool, but I kept telling her ‘no’….” I quickly said, as I ran outside.
Drew followed me closely behind.
“Who the hell left that damn backdoor
unlocked?” I said, as I ran toward McDonald’s and Wendy’s swimming pool, “Aquata
Angel, where are you? Who the hell left that damn backdoor opened? My Little
Mermaid, where are you? Aquata Angel!!”
Mere seconds later, I found my little
girl’s body floating face down in the swimming pool, while still wearing
nothing but her diaper.
“Oh my word…. Aquata Angel!!” I frantically screamed, as I immediately jumped
into the swimming pool.
“Nicole
Amber Morgan!!” shouted Drew, “Be careful
that you don’t drown!!”
I never learned how to swim, and, as
resulted, I’m usually terrified of water.
“I am fine!!”
I said.
But my inability to swim obviously did
not matter compared to the possibility of saving our only daughter’s little
Life.
“Aquata
Angel!!” I frantically screamed, as I grabbed onto the swimming pool’s
walls, and I somehow managed to make my way toward her.
I wrapped my right arm around Aquata
Angel’s body, and I grabbed onto the pool’s walls with my left arm.
“She is not breathing!!” I frantically screamed, as I somehow managed to cling
onto the swimming pool’s wall with my left arm, and pull Aquata Angel out with
my right arm, “Drew!! Perform C.P.R. on
Aquata Angel!! Oh my word, she is
not breathing!!”
Meanwhile, Drew dutifully performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation on our little
girl to no avail.
During seconds that passed by—which felt
like an eternity—McDonald and Wendy arrived.
“Call
9-1-1!!” I frantically screamed, as I somehow managed to pull myself out of
the swimming pool.
“Hi,” said Wendy, in an amazingly calm
tone of voice, on her cell-phone to a 9-1-1 dispatcher, “I am calling because my niece, Aquata Angel, has been found face down in a swimming pool. What? I have no idea how long she was in the swimming pool…. Seconds? Minutes? What? Oh my….”
Drew was still performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on our little
girl.
“Please, Aquata Angel, breathe!!” I frantically screamed, “Come on, do this for Mama!! Please, Aquata Angel!! Breathe!!”
“Yes,
Aquata Angel’s Daddy is performing C.P.R. on her as we speak,” Wendy calmly said, “What? No, Aquata Angel cannot breathe, and no,
she doesn’t seem to have a pulse. Thank-you
very much!!”
Then, Wendy hung up.
“The paramedics
will arrive as soon as humanly possible….”
said Wendy, “Nicole Amber Morgan….? Drew….? Apparently, Swift Care Helicopter will arrive as soon as humanly possible, as well….”
Drew was still performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on our little
girl.
“I am so, so, so, so, so sorry, Aquata Angel….” I said, as
wet, hot tears now streamed down my face, “This is all my fault…. I have failed
you as your Mama…. I am so, so, so,
so, so sorry….”
“This is not your fault, Nicole Amber Morgan….” said McDonald, “We should have had a secure swimming pool fence…. Our backdoor locks could be more childproof…. We should
have had a swimming pool alarm…. This
is not your fault….”
To which I shook my head ‘no’.
“All Aquata Angel wanted to do was play in your damn swimming pool….” I said, through wet,
hot tears, “But I told her ‘no’…. All Aquata Angel wanted to do was go ‘swimming’ in your damn pool…. Why, oh
why, didn’t I say ‘yes’….?”
Nobody—not McDonald, not Wendy, not
Drew—had any words of comfort for my broken heart, for my bleeding soul.
“Fire
Station 343 is literally located just down the street from our house….
Wendy gently said, “The paramedics
should arrive here shortly…. They always have….”
Drew was still performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on our little
girl.
“There are eight adults here, plus nine
children….” I said, through wet, hot
tears, as I picked up my little girl off of the cement pavement, and I cradled her on my lap, while Drew still performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation, “How the hell could nobody have seen Aquata Angel escape
out that damn backdoor….? I was here…. How….”
I paused for an emotional nanosecond.
“How
the hell could I have not seen Aquata
Angel escape out that damn backdoor….?” I said, through wet,
hot tears.
Before McDonald, Wendy, or Drew could say
anything to comfort my broken heart, and my bleeding soul, the paramedics
arrived.
“Aquata Angel, breathe!!” I frantically screamed, as wet, hot tears streamed down
my face, while paramedics now performed cardiopulmonary
resuscitation on my little girl, “You
can do this for Mama!! Breathe, Aquata
Angel…. Breathe!!”
“Aquata Angel does not have a pulse!!” said Paramedic Granger to his fellow
paramedics team, in an urgent tone of voice, “She isn’t breathing!! Aquata Angel
currently will not regain consciousness!!”
Then, Paramedic Granger turned to Drew
and I.
“How long
was Aquata Angel in the swimming pool?”
he asked.
“I…. I do not know…. Seconds….? Minutes….?” I
stammered through wet, hot tears, “I…. I do not know…. It happened so fast….”
“Seconds?”
said Paramedic Granger, in an urgent tone of voice, “Minutes? That is far too long
for any child to be face down in a swimming pool.”
Then, Paramedic Granger turned to Bode, a Swift Care Helicopter pilot.
“We must airlift Aquata Angel toward the hospital immediately!!” he quickly ordered him in an urgent tone of voice, “Time is not on our side when it comes to
water!!”
“Yes, sir!!” said Bode.
“Can you please airlift Aquata Angel to Compassion
& Empathy Hospital….?” Drew asked Paramedic Granger, as his eyes filled
up with wet, hot tears.
“Yes,”
answered Paramedic Granger.
Then, he placed Aquata Angel’s seemingly
lifeless body on a stretcher.
“Go, go, go, go, go!!” Paramedic Granger quickly ordered in an urgent tone of voice
to his paramedics crew, as they hustled my little girl into Swift Care
Helicopter, “Our destination is Compassion & Empathy Hospital!!”
“Can I ride with Aquata Angel….?” I asked Paramedic Granger, through wet, hot tears, “In the helicopter….?”
“Yes,”
Paramedic Granger softly and gently said, “We’ll do whatever it takes to save Aquata
Angel’s Life.”
“We know
you will….” said Drew, as he blinked
back wet, hot tears, “Regardless of what….”
Drew paused for an emotional nanosecond.
“Regardless
of what Aquata Angel’s end result is….”
finished Drew, through wet, hot tears, “We know
you will do whatever it takes to save her Life…. I do mean that….”
To which Paramedic Granger smiled
sympathetically at Drew and I.
“Let’s go!!” ordered Paramedic Granger, in an urgent tone of voice, as he,
his paramedics crew, and I swiftly rode in Swift Care Helicopter toward
Compassion & Empathy Hospital, “Let’s go!!”
“I will meet you at Compassion &
Empathy Hospital….” said Drew, as he blinked back wet, hot tears, while he
hurried into our red-painted Subaru Forester, “I love you, darling….”
“I know….”
I said, through wet, hot tears, “I love
you, as well….”
I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please? Those were Aquata Angel’s last words before I
prepared her firecracker chicken, and corn off of the cob. I play in water? Pool? I play in water? Please? Those were Aquata Angel’s last words on the 4th
of July, my very favorite holiday. I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please? Those were Aquata Angel’s last words that I only
halfheartedly listened to, because it was lunchtime. I play in water? Pool? I play in water? Please? I could still hear Aquata Angel’s sweet,
little, toddler voice begging, pleading, whining those words as she lie in
Swift Care Helicopter, connected to seemingly countless wires, portable beeping
machines, and travel-friendly Life support. I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please? I could not even hear the deafening,
rumbling sound of Swift Care Helicopter’s rotator blades, as we flew toward
Compassion & Empathy Hospital. I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please? No, I could only hear Aquata Angel’s last
words, as I stroked her blonde hair with my right hand fingers.
I play in
water? Pool? I play in water? Please?
“We have a two-year old drowning victim,” Paramedic Granger dutifully said, in an urgent tone of voice, once we arrived at Compassion
& Empathy Hospital, “Aquata Angel was facedown
underwater for either seconds, or
minutes. They tried to stabilize her in the helicopter. It is not looking good.”
“Oh dear….”
said Receptionist Ginger.
Then, she picked up her telephone, and
called somebody in an urgent tone of voice.
“We need
to take her to Room Number 606 immediately,”
said Dr. Spitz, in an urgent tone of voice.
By now, Drew had arrived at Compassion
& Empathy Hospital.
“You must
follow Dr. Spitz toward Room Number 606….” Paramedic Granger softly and gently said to me, “Goodbye….
I hope that Aquata Angel is alright, and she becomes a drowning survivor….”
Then—just like that—Paramedic Granger seemingly
disappeared.
“It
is not looking good,” said Dr. Spitz, after they spent several hours, which
felt like an eternity, attempting to save my daughter’s little Life, “I honestly
don’t think that Aquata Angel will
become a drowning survivor. But, if, {and that is a cosmic one syllable word}, if
your daughter does make it? Then, she
will most likely suffer from severe brain
damage.”
Dr. Spitz paused for a nanosecond.
“I highly
recommend that you consider taking
Aquata Angel off of Life support,” he gently said, “I am sorry….”
“Wait. What?!” said Drew, with emotion, shock, anger, and frustration in
his voice, “You recommend that we take Aquata
Angel off of Life support? As in
do not give her a fighting chance?”
“There is far too much damage done to Aquata Angel’s brain,” said Dr. Spitz, “We already have given her a fighting
chance. But, if Aquata Angel does make it then—like I said—she will most
likely suffer from severe brain damage. I am so sorry….”
“Aquata Angel was going to grow up, and be our future champion surfer….”
I said through wet, hot tears, “Just like Bethany
Hamilton…. Aquata Angel was going to grow
up, and be our future gold
medal-winning U.S. Olympic diver…. She
could have shattered a glass ceiling, and won twenty-four gold medals…. Aquata
Angel was going to grow up, and be
our future gold medal-winning U.S. Olympic swimmer…. Just like Michael Phelps…. No…. This cannot be happening…. Aquata Angel was going to grow up, and break records with winning
the most gold medals…. No…. This cannot
be happening…. Aquata Angel, {my water baby, my little mermaid}, was going to grow
up, and be our future…. And now….”
I paused for an emotional nanosecond.
“Now
Aquata Angel will not even have a future
at all….” I said through wet, hot tears.
“If our daughter does become a drowning survivor, she will most likely suffer from quote-unquote ‘severe
brain damage’…. How….?” said Drew, as he blinked back wet, hot tears,
“Please explain Aquata Angel’s future as a drowning survivor….”
“How long
was Aquata Angel underwater?” asked
Dr. Spitz.
“Why
the hell does everybody keep asking me this question….?” I said, through wet,
hot tears, and in a moody, irritable, agitated, edgy tone of voice, “I do not know…. I do not know…. I do not know
how long Aquata Angel was in that damn
swimming pool…. Seconds….? Minutes….? One moment, Aquata Angel was safe
inside with us, and the next….”
I paused for a nanosecond, as Drew
embraced me in his loving arms.
“It
was so quick….” I said, in a softer tone of voice, through wet, hot tears,
“So quick….
“It takes
seconds for a drowning to occur,” explained Dr. Spitz, “How old is Aquata Angel?”
“She’s two….” answered Drew, as he blinked back wet, hot tears.
“A toddler
can drown in one minute,” explained Dr. Spitz, “If Aquata Angel does become a drowning survivor, then she will most likely be severely
physically, developmentally, and intellectually disabled. I am so, so sorry….”
“Well, that is alright….” I said, through wet, hot tears, “At least Aquata Angel will be alive….!! We can handle severe physical, developmental, and intellectual
disabilities…. I will love Aquata Angel just the same no matter what….!! I do mean that….”
“Aquata Angel will no longer be the same exact
water baby, and little mermaid who you loved
before,” said Dr. Spitz, “Chances are,
she won’t be your record-breaking, gold medal-winning Olympic
athlete. Aquata Angel will most
likely need oxygen and feeding tubes. She’ll probably use a wheelchair for the rest of
her Life. I am so, so, so
sorry….”
I looked over at my daughter lying still
in that hospital bed, with literally countless wires, and tubes connected to
her little body.
“Darling….” said Drew, through wet, hot
tears, “I think that it is time to give Aquata
Angel her Heavenly wings…. Darling….
I think that it is time to let Aquata
Angel fly…. Darling—”
“It
takes seconds for a curious child
to find any body of water…. Is that what you are saying….?” I interrupted through wet, hot tears, “It takes seconds for her or him to drown….? Is that what you are saying….?
Well, I want those seconds back…. Is that too much to ask, damn it….? I want Aquata Angel back…. I miss
her already…. If it only takes seconds to make me a Mama again, then I want
that precious time back….”
“Darling….” Drew softly and gently said,
through wet, hot tears, as he wrapped his loving arms around me, “I think that it is time to let Aquata Angel go….”
My already broken heart shattered into a
billion pieces, and I could literally feel my soul bleed, but I knew that Drew
was right.
“Can I please hold Aquata Angel when you take
her off of Life support….?” I asked Dr. Spitz.
“Yes,” answered Dr. Spitz, “As I said
before, I am so very sorry….”
Then, Nurse Preslee carefully picked Aquata Angel up, so that she could
gently hand her to me, wires, tubes, and all.
‘What
would I give to live where you are? What would I pay to stay here beside you?
What would I do to see you smiling at me? Where would we walk? Where would we
run? If we could stay all day in the sun? Just you and me; And I could be; Part
of your world; I don’t know when; I don’t know how; But I know something’s
starting right now; Watch and you’ll see; Someday I’ll be; Part of you world’,”
with heartbreaking emotion in my voice, and tears streaming down my face, I
sang the lyrics to ‘Part of Your World {Reprise}’ from The Little Mermaid.
Heaven. Because I’ve never, ever been
there, I obviously have no idea what it is like. Does Jesus Christ sit on His
Throne in Heaven as the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords? I don’t know. Do
angels sing in church choir-like voices while strumming their harps? I do not
know. Are the streets of Heaven actually lined with gold? I don’t know. Will Aquata
Angel someday return to me in Heaven as my smart, purple-loving, strong-willed
little girl? I don’t know. Is there unlimited access to several bodies of water
so that Aquata Angel can swim freely all safe and sound in Heaven? I don’t
know. Will Aquata Angel miss me—her Mama—even in Heaven? I don’t know. ‘What would I
give to live where you are? What would I pay to stay here beside you? What
would I do to see you smiling at me? Where would we walk? Where would we run?
If we could stay all day in the sun? Just you and me; And I could be; Part of
your world’.
As Aquata Angel’s Life support was
removed, I longed to live where she now resided, {Heaven}, and to be part of
her world.
BOOM!! BOOM!! SCREAM!! POP!! BOOM!!
BOOM!!
Outside of Compassion & Empathy
Hospital, everybody in the whole wide universe was celebrating July 4th,
except for Drew and I.
Gasp!!
Suddenly, I could feel somebody either
kick—or punch—the inside of my abdomen.
“Oh my….”
I said through wet, hot tears, as I was still cuddling with a now-lifeless Aquata
Angel, “I think I’m pregnant….”
“Wait. What….?” said Drew, through his own wet, hot tears, “You are pregnant….?”
“Feel
my tummy….” I said through wet, hot tears, “Baby is kicking, moving, and punching in there….”
To which Drew felt my abdomen, as I still
cuddled with Aquata Angel’s lifeless body.
“Oh my word….” said Drew, as he blinked back wet, hot tears, “I felt a kick….!! I think that you are
pregnant, darling…. I felt a kick….!!”
“Congratulations,
Nicole Amber Morgan!!” said Dr. Spitz, with a warm smile written on his face.
“No, I
am not pregnant….” I said through
wet, hot tears, as I looked down at Aquata Angel’s ‘sleeping’ face, “This can’t be right…. Don’t you guys understand….? Aquata Angel’s death rests on me….
Losing my own daughter was preventable…. I failed to keep Aquata Angel safe….
No…. I do not deserve to be a Mama again….”
“But…. What if this baby was sent to your womb directly from Heaven….” said
Nurse Preslee.
She paused for a nanosecond.
“Sent directly from Aquata Angel herself….?” finished Nurse Preslee, “Open your eyes and you will see signs all around you….”
Certainly enough, nine long, emotional, hormonal,
{and slow healing}, months later, I brought into this world our rainbow baby
girl!!
I named this beautiful blonde-haired,
blue-eyed daughter Liberty Belle, because we learned about her on
Independence Day!!
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